Yay!

' Jayden is back! The happy Jayden, with the silly personality. He was crazy one day and I was on the verge of losing it and then he slept all night and all day, woke up only to eat and then slept some more. He slept all night again and then woke up as Jayden. I think he was "manic". That's what the Doctor called it and as much as I don't like that Dr, that can only explain what was going on. He even behaved well at the party we had at my parents with all the family. He rarely behaves when all the kids are together. I am so grateful for the change I was beginning to panic and I was crying daily, sometimes for hours! I have decided I obviously need antidepressants. Whether it is just me or a product of my life, I don't know but a little Prozac cant hurt. I have taken something for 13 years but I didn't feel like I was on the right med. I weaned off of it, with the Dr's order. It was bad, very bad! Don't ever let anyone prescribe you Effexor, EVER! I still have withdrawals when I'm tired at night. Brain zaps anyway. Its been months. I didn't like that doctor either and he wanted to put me on another bad med. Hence the no antidepressant right now. I do as I want, not as I'm told! OK, OK only when its not to serious!

This life is frustrating. I don't like meds. I don't want my child on meds but what can I do? He obviously needs them. His Dad begs to differ. He thinks its just opening up the door for addicion later life. Well I am sure that having your kid be behind in school, struggling with homework for hours every night, not to mention being made fun of for odd, crazy behavior is also setting your kid up to use later in life too. Jayden will struggle enough, hes already made fun of in our own yard by the damn immature neighbor kids. He will probably always be in special classes. Think of how much harder his life would be with no meds to control his ADHD and his mood issues. He'd probably be kicked out of school and I would have to home school him. Jayden has half siblings(I don't like considering them that) with problems too. If your not going to medicate your child then find other ways to help them. Diets, fish oil. There are plenty of choices out there. Don't make your child suffer. They may turn to drugs in an effort to help themselves early on. You cant make some people listen. I cant wait to say, "I told you so"!

And now for good news...

My lashes are finally growing back. After months of basically not having any they appear to be growing at an alarming rate. Ok, ok not really but they are showing improvement. I wanted to buy Lilash or Latisse but they are just so pricey. I know they work I've seen the results but I wanted to try something cheaper first. I started using Mavala Double-lash about 2 weeks ago. The bottle sais to use it at bedtime but I have been using it morning and night. Its actually working . This stuff is made in Switzerland and has no harsh chemicals. That was a huge factor in me buying it, especially since my eyes are so sensitive. The $21.00 cost, incuding shipping, didnt hurt either. I still may buy Lilash when I get a little extra cash but for now I am satisfied!

SIcK, sIcK, SicK!

The last few months have been a struggle for me. Jayden is having behavior and mood issues. He is struggling in school. He lost his medicaid which now makes it so I have to pay out a crap load of money for his Dr's visits($199 for todays visit, which I didnt have). I dont particularly like this new doctor. Id prefer too find someone else but he was the quickest one to get into and I know if we dont get things fixed quick he will be heading back to the hospital. I cant afford that. The Doctor told me that I can say Jayden has a mood disorder all I want but the fact is he is Bipolar. Im sorry but I hate that word and all the stigma that comes with it. He is 8. An 8 year old shouldnt be labeled as bipolar. It sounds aweful. It makes me feel aweful! He also told me that Jayden is at a high risk of seriously hurting or killing himself when he gets older. I dont want to hear that or think that. I can barely deal with whats going on right now let alone what could happen in 10-15 years. I'm sick. I feel like I am grieving right now. This upsets me more than when he was diagnosed as having Aspergers. It doesnt seem right that there is no medical support for these kids. Oh, well, I guess if your poor you qualify for medicaid and that takes care of it all but apparently I make too much money for any of these governmental programs. My insurance is great but I still have to pay quite a bit. I am barely getting by right now and now I have to get Jayden back up to neurology at PCMC. Take him to have labs drawn. The visits are going to break me financially and emotionally. How can the government come down and say we cannot give your disabled son medical benefits anymore because your income is too high. Its ridiculus and unfair. He had awesome psychiatrists and nurses at Wasatch Mental Health. Now we are forced to find new Dr's, programs, everything. I hate the government and the their abandonment and medicaid for being so stupid! How can they kick these kids to the curb and expect the parents to go broke in the process of trying to get these kids help. I'm furious!

Beware

Not long ago I got eyelash extensions. I have wanted longer lashes for so long and I thought this was the perfect solution. Boy was I wrong. I loved the way they looked but from the second she finished applying them my eyes got really watery and itchy. I just kept thinking that it would get better and my eyes would adjust. Well after a few days they started falling out. Thats probably because my eyes watered so much and you arent suppose to get them to wet or touch them to much. They are all off now. It cost a lot of money and I am so disappointed! Now my lashes are thin. Its almost like I dont have any. My next step is Lilash. Its pricey and there are side effects but its worth a try. Even just wearing mascara and eyeshadow irritates my eyes so chances are it wont work either. To be honest I am not sure why its such a big deal. I am overweight and not happy with the way I look at all. I really need to work on my body and not the small things like my lashes. I think in the next few weeks I am going to have to join Weight Watchers again.

Kaylee & Alliyah

These cuties will do anything for a dollar or a piece of candy. Dancing on Thanksgiving. Silly girls!

Naughty or NICE?

Jayden has been kinda naughty lately and Ive been home for the past like 11 days. I asked Arthur to take him for a few days this weekend. I already work Thurs-Sunday so he would have him at night anyway. I actually work Thurs-Mon. He had excuse after excuse but if I kindly go file for us to have joint custody so he can recieve Jaydens SSI then he will take him 50% of the time. I must have STUPID written on my forehead because I cant figure any other reason he would think I would agree to such an idiotic idea. But anyway I decided maybe if Jayden see this personalized video from Santa then maybe he will be reminded to behave or Santa is not bringing him a Tractor. It truelly is a cute video! http://magicsanta.ca/gateway.html?code=8YPA8Q

Nothing new....

I'm not sure why I keep this blog anymore. There really hasnt been too many changes in our lives lately. Ive been off work for the past week. Its has been nice to have a break. The first few days Jayden was kind of naughty but since then he has been pretty calm. The last few days have flown by. In the last 48 hours I got too see Breaking Dawn, got a new dining room table and chairs, we went to The Living Planet Aquarium with my new friend, Scott, I got eyelash extensions and we watched Trevors basketball team win their game with an impressive score of 68 to 27. We also cleaned and put up our Christmas tree. I cant find my usb cord right now and all of my pics from the past 2 weeks wont upload from my memory card.