Yay!

' Jayden is back! The happy Jayden, with the silly personality. He was crazy one day and I was on the verge of losing it and then he slept all night and all day, woke up only to eat and then slept some more. He slept all night again and then woke up as Jayden. I think he was "manic". That's what the Doctor called it and as much as I don't like that Dr, that can only explain what was going on. He even behaved well at the party we had at my parents with all the family. He rarely behaves when all the kids are together. I am so grateful for the change I was beginning to panic and I was crying daily, sometimes for hours! I have decided I obviously need antidepressants. Whether it is just me or a product of my life, I don't know but a little Prozac cant hurt. I have taken something for 13 years but I didn't feel like I was on the right med. I weaned off of it, with the Dr's order. It was bad, very bad! Don't ever let anyone prescribe you Effexor, EVER! I still have withdrawals when I'm tired at night. Brain zaps anyway. Its been months. I didn't like that doctor either and he wanted to put me on another bad med. Hence the no antidepressant right now. I do as I want, not as I'm told! OK, OK only when its not to serious!

This life is frustrating. I don't like meds. I don't want my child on meds but what can I do? He obviously needs them. His Dad begs to differ. He thinks its just opening up the door for addicion later life. Well I am sure that having your kid be behind in school, struggling with homework for hours every night, not to mention being made fun of for odd, crazy behavior is also setting your kid up to use later in life too. Jayden will struggle enough, hes already made fun of in our own yard by the damn immature neighbor kids. He will probably always be in special classes. Think of how much harder his life would be with no meds to control his ADHD and his mood issues. He'd probably be kicked out of school and I would have to home school him. Jayden has half siblings(I don't like considering them that) with problems too. If your not going to medicate your child then find other ways to help them. Diets, fish oil. There are plenty of choices out there. Don't make your child suffer. They may turn to drugs in an effort to help themselves early on. You cant make some people listen. I cant wait to say, "I told you so"!

And now for good news...

My lashes are finally growing back. After months of basically not having any they appear to be growing at an alarming rate. Ok, ok not really but they are showing improvement. I wanted to buy Lilash or Latisse but they are just so pricey. I know they work I've seen the results but I wanted to try something cheaper first. I started using Mavala Double-lash about 2 weeks ago. The bottle sais to use it at bedtime but I have been using it morning and night. Its actually working . This stuff is made in Switzerland and has no harsh chemicals. That was a huge factor in me buying it, especially since my eyes are so sensitive. The $21.00 cost, incuding shipping, didnt hurt either. I still may buy Lilash when I get a little extra cash but for now I am satisfied!

SIcK, sIcK, SicK!

The last few months have been a struggle for me. Jayden is having behavior and mood issues. He is struggling in school. He lost his medicaid which now makes it so I have to pay out a crap load of money for his Dr's visits($199 for todays visit, which I didnt have). I dont particularly like this new doctor. Id prefer too find someone else but he was the quickest one to get into and I know if we dont get things fixed quick he will be heading back to the hospital. I cant afford that. The Doctor told me that I can say Jayden has a mood disorder all I want but the fact is he is Bipolar. Im sorry but I hate that word and all the stigma that comes with it. He is 8. An 8 year old shouldnt be labeled as bipolar. It sounds aweful. It makes me feel aweful! He also told me that Jayden is at a high risk of seriously hurting or killing himself when he gets older. I dont want to hear that or think that. I can barely deal with whats going on right now let alone what could happen in 10-15 years. I'm sick. I feel like I am grieving right now. This upsets me more than when he was diagnosed as having Aspergers. It doesnt seem right that there is no medical support for these kids. Oh, well, I guess if your poor you qualify for medicaid and that takes care of it all but apparently I make too much money for any of these governmental programs. My insurance is great but I still have to pay quite a bit. I am barely getting by right now and now I have to get Jayden back up to neurology at PCMC. Take him to have labs drawn. The visits are going to break me financially and emotionally. How can the government come down and say we cannot give your disabled son medical benefits anymore because your income is too high. Its ridiculus and unfair. He had awesome psychiatrists and nurses at Wasatch Mental Health. Now we are forced to find new Dr's, programs, everything. I hate the government and the their abandonment and medicaid for being so stupid! How can they kick these kids to the curb and expect the parents to go broke in the process of trying to get these kids help. I'm furious!