SIcK, sIcK, SicK!

The last few months have been a struggle for me. Jayden is having behavior and mood issues. He is struggling in school. He lost his medicaid which now makes it so I have to pay out a crap load of money for his Dr's visits($199 for todays visit, which I didnt have). I dont particularly like this new doctor. Id prefer too find someone else but he was the quickest one to get into and I know if we dont get things fixed quick he will be heading back to the hospital. I cant afford that. The Doctor told me that I can say Jayden has a mood disorder all I want but the fact is he is Bipolar. Im sorry but I hate that word and all the stigma that comes with it. He is 8. An 8 year old shouldnt be labeled as bipolar. It sounds aweful. It makes me feel aweful! He also told me that Jayden is at a high risk of seriously hurting or killing himself when he gets older. I dont want to hear that or think that. I can barely deal with whats going on right now let alone what could happen in 10-15 years. I'm sick. I feel like I am grieving right now. This upsets me more than when he was diagnosed as having Aspergers. It doesnt seem right that there is no medical support for these kids. Oh, well, I guess if your poor you qualify for medicaid and that takes care of it all but apparently I make too much money for any of these governmental programs. My insurance is great but I still have to pay quite a bit. I am barely getting by right now and now I have to get Jayden back up to neurology at PCMC. Take him to have labs drawn. The visits are going to break me financially and emotionally. How can the government come down and say we cannot give your disabled son medical benefits anymore because your income is too high. Its ridiculus and unfair. He had awesome psychiatrists and nurses at Wasatch Mental Health. Now we are forced to find new Dr's, programs, everything. I hate the government and the their abandonment and medicaid for being so stupid! How can they kick these kids to the curb and expect the parents to go broke in the process of trying to get these kids help. I'm furious!