Beware

Not long ago I got eyelash extensions. I have wanted longer lashes for so long and I thought this was the perfect solution. Boy was I wrong. I loved the way they looked but from the second she finished applying them my eyes got really watery and itchy. I just kept thinking that it would get better and my eyes would adjust. Well after a few days they started falling out. Thats probably because my eyes watered so much and you arent suppose to get them to wet or touch them to much. They are all off now. It cost a lot of money and I am so disappointed! Now my lashes are thin. Its almost like I dont have any. My next step is Lilash. Its pricey and there are side effects but its worth a try. Even just wearing mascara and eyeshadow irritates my eyes so chances are it wont work either. To be honest I am not sure why its such a big deal. I am overweight and not happy with the way I look at all. I really need to work on my body and not the small things like my lashes. I think in the next few weeks I am going to have to join Weight Watchers again.

Kaylee & Alliyah

These cuties will do anything for a dollar or a piece of candy. Dancing on Thanksgiving. Silly girls!

Naughty or NICE?

Jayden has been kinda naughty lately and Ive been home for the past like 11 days. I asked Arthur to take him for a few days this weekend. I already work Thurs-Sunday so he would have him at night anyway. I actually work Thurs-Mon. He had excuse after excuse but if I kindly go file for us to have joint custody so he can recieve Jaydens SSI then he will take him 50% of the time. I must have STUPID written on my forehead because I cant figure any other reason he would think I would agree to such an idiotic idea. But anyway I decided maybe if Jayden see this personalized video from Santa then maybe he will be reminded to behave or Santa is not bringing him a Tractor. It truelly is a cute video! http://magicsanta.ca/gateway.html?code=8YPA8Q

Nothing new....

I'm not sure why I keep this blog anymore. There really hasnt been too many changes in our lives lately. Ive been off work for the past week. Its has been nice to have a break. The first few days Jayden was kind of naughty but since then he has been pretty calm. The last few days have flown by. In the last 48 hours I got too see Breaking Dawn, got a new dining room table and chairs, we went to The Living Planet Aquarium with my new friend, Scott, I got eyelash extensions and we watched Trevors basketball team win their game with an impressive score of 68 to 27. We also cleaned and put up our Christmas tree. I cant find my usb cord right now and all of my pics from the past 2 weeks wont upload from my memory card.

New room

This last couple of weeks has been rough. Jayden is turning back into a little devil. I love him but he is really testing me right now. I almost took him back to PCMC on Saturday. I really dont want to but if he continues with his behavior I feel I have no other choice. Today was a good day though. Minimal breakdowns. We did spend the day looking for caterpillars though. Just what he wanted to do. He even touched a GINORMOUS spider, bigger than a black widow! It literally disgusted me!

Theres just been too much drama and craziness in my life. I want to decorate my room and make it comfy and relaxing! I cant say exactly what my theme is but I purchased a lamp in the gift shop at work. I plan on getting another one also. I just a want a place to relax before bed that is just for me. No Jayden and no work. I have searched many websites looking for the perfect one. This seems to be the closest. It comes with everything on the bed. 20 pieces! As you can imagine it is kinda pricey, that is why I hesitate in buying it. I want some opinions! I normally go for dark colors but I want this room to be light.

My lamp is similar to this one. It is taller and it is very pretty!

This is the bed set. What do you think? Do they go together? Im just not sure!

We've got a REAL winner!

I am sitting here, a few hours after battling it out with Jayden, wondering how single moms survive. How have I survived? I am proud to call myself a single mom only because I've worked hard and will continue to work hard because thats just who I am. There are single parents out there that get help from another parent and there are parents who dont. I am part of the latter. I dont enjoy being an only parent to my child. I despise it. There are times when I want to have a break, a few hours is all, but I cant. Sure Jayden is in school now, that helps. But when he comes home hes all mine. That means no trips to the bathroom without him right outside the door. We cant even be more than 5 feet apart without him being scared. I am not making that up. If he has to walk more than 5 feet away he is saying, "Mom....Mommy......Mom" over and over just to hear my voice so he knows I have not left him. Yea it was no big deal at first but now its just down right irritating. When I say I need a break, I REALLY need a break. I dont party, I dont go out with friends much, its just me and him. For the most part I am ok with it but occasionally when we are really butting heads I would like to be able to drop him off at another parents house and say, "I'll be back in a few hours". According to the sperm donor in my situation Jaydens behavior is normal. All kids behave that way. If Jaydens behavior was normal would he have been hospitalized 2x in the last 10 months because of his behavior? Even if I was a crazy Mom, which I am not denying at this point, they do not keep kids in the hospital unless they need it. Lets just say that would be some expensive child care. My point is people should not assume that they know everything. I am tired of being fed stories, of thinking that maybe someone has finally changed and decided to step it up. Sometimes I think I must be really confused but then I realize I just want what most people want, a Mother and a Father for their child. I am tired of it all. I will not stand for my child to be put 2nd any longer. Not 2nd to other siblings, to a girlfriend, to anyone. Sure I could use some help but not from a person who does not want to help or be there for there child. Men can be dead beat dads regardless of whether they pay child support. A true Dad is there 24/7 even if its just a phone call away and that doesnt mean only call when your girlfriend is at work so you dont have to deal with her questions and insecurities. Some girls may be dumb enough to keep dealing with selfish men but I for one am done with them.

Hand Molds

So after being asked many times, by parents, to make hand molds on their baby and n0t being able to I decided it was time for me start doing them. I had watched them be done a handful of times and did some research on the net. I started doing them a couple of months ago and love it! The first time I did them they turned out great! They are difficult, I wont lie, but I have had fun figuring it out. I cant wait to buy the stuff and do them for all my new neices and nephews, whenever I get more. Most likely in January. I have them from Madyson and I truelly treasure them. I wish I had some from when Jayden was a baby. The pic above is just off the web but basically that is what I have been doing. It makes my nights go by quick and I hope it pleases the parents of the precious babies that I get to take care of! I have the best job ever!

What can I say?

Can I just say I am so glad that Jayden is back in school? He has destroyed our house this summer while I was busy napping. He likes to make every room his toy room. Its makes our life chaotic as he likes to make the mess but hates to have to clean it up. I get mad, he gets upset and the mess is still there in the end. With him in school I can sleep without worrying about what toys I am going to step on when I leave my room or my bed for that matter. But he really is a pretty good kid. He loves to be outside collecting insects or just running around like a crazy man. He has become so much more social this summer. A few days ago he had some friends over and was so happy to show me "all of them"! It was too funny!

His first day of school! I couldn't convince him not to wear his Bug collecting vest. It was not worth the battle. Mrs Ricky convinced him to take it off at school though. He insisted 0n wearing his slip on shoes rather than his new Etnies. What do you do? At the store he wanted me to buy him some Nike Cortez's. They are what his Uncle Anthony(whom he doesnt really know:-( )used to wear. Arthur wore them too, I'm sure. I think they are ugly and a little to gangsta for my taste! I started calling his sperm donor, Arthur, in front of him instead of Dad. It may be wrong but until he quits coming up with excuses thats just how its going to be. I know I am evil! Haha!

I took Trev and Jayd fishing one night and Jayden had to have his pic taken by this bobcat. He was so happy.

My poor car

On Tuesday I hit a large wood box on the freeway going 60 mph and this is what happened to my car. I wish I could have avoided it but it flew into my lane after another car knicked it. I drove for like 5 miles without any issues and then my car made aweful noises and started overheating. It still kept screaching for like 5 min after I turned it off. I started panicking and of course tried to get a hold of my Dad, who had already left the house. I dont like dealing with this kind of stuff on my own. I called my insurance who took care of everything for me. Within 20 min I had a rental and a tow truck on the way. My radiator was gone along with many other things. It caused $2500 in damages. RIDICULUS I tell you. I was livid, still am. I wasnt wearing my seatbelt either and ended up with whiplash and a sore back. I usually wear it, I dont know what happened that day! I got to drive around in a 2010 Ford Focus for the next 3 days and can I just say,"Those cars are awesome"! I would totally buy one. I actually wanted to keep it for thw weekend but unfortunately my car was fixed on Friday. The front end looks so pretty! I am glad I am alive and no one was hurt but wish I could hurt the person who let that box drop on the freeway.

Busy, bUsY, BUSY!!!

We have been very busy lately packing, moving, cleaning, and unpacking. I have also spent a lot of time shopping for new decorations, a new vaccuum, a washer and dryer, and many other things. We are finally settling in with only a few more decorations to put up. Well thats only for now. I intend to buy much more! I have a specific style that I like and although I buy most of my items on sale or using coupons its still adds up. I like alot of things grouped together.

We were able to move into a 3 bedroom, 1 1/2 bathroom townhouse with a fenced in backyard and a garage. We only share walls with one family to the side of us. Which is on the opposite side of our bedrooms. Its much nicer! I will post pics tomorow if I have time. I inte to buy a few more things for my living room and I am waiting for my shower curtain hooks to come so I can put up my shower curtain. I want to buy a book shelf, a couple of sofa tables, new comforter sets for the beds and a kitchen table. I also want a patio set and a futon. I am sure there is more stuff too. LOL. I am never satisfied for long! I have been watching KSL for the furniture items but havent been to impressed. I think I have decided to just buy a brand new table. I was looking for something cheap but decent and I havent seen much. This is what I want:

What do ya think?

I will try to update more tomorow but for now I must get to bed!

Road Trip

A couple of weeks ago we all went up to Gossers to get cheese, to Pepperidge Farms for Fish crackers and cookies, to Idaho to get lottery tickets and get scratch tickets, to the Hardware Ranch to see the elk and to see Tiff and the boys. It was an all day event and it was pretty fun! I loved seeing the Elk! I cant really eat the cheese now as I am doing WW again. But maybe eventually Jayd will eat it. I wore 6'' heels as I knew we would be driving a lot and I wouldnt have to stand on my feet a ton. Well I went to get in the car and sprained my ankle, walked like a dork for a few weeks and screwed up my hips and back. Its been pretty painful! Thanks to having an Uncle as a Chiropractor and heating pads and Ibuprofen it is on the mend, I think? I am sure that with packing and moving I will screw it up again but what can you do? Life goes on whether you are in pain or not! It doesnt help that I have to work so many extra shifts either. I love my job but bending over those cribs, giraffes, and isolettes sure takes its toll on my body. The cute babies are worth it though! I had 111 hours on my last check. Normally I work 72 hours but with moving and not getting very much back on my taxes = working a lot! I will survive though!

Tooth Fairy

These are the hands of a true artist. Always covered in ink!

Isn't he just one handsome boy?!

Jayd had a tooth coming in behind one of his front teeth. The dentist said that the baby tooth would get loose and fall out but just in case it didnt we set up an appt to get it pulled. Well with Jayd being at UNI for 6 weeks we canceled the appt and I hoped with that extra time it would fall out. It didnt! So a few weeks ago he had both front teeth pulled. I figured that we might as well pull them both just in case he ended uo having the same problem on the other side. It was so CUTE to hear his lisp! The Tooth Fairy even came! It was so exciting!

Jayder

My not so little Jayder is home now. I say not so little because this kid has already outgrown his size 7 pants in the last 4 months. He is going to be taller than me before we know it! Things have been going pretty good. He is pretty much back to himself. He is definetly obeying mom much better. He has had a few meltdowns but is able to calm down pretty quick and if he is having a really bad day he has some prn meds that really help. I have only had to give those to him once. He got some sort of stomach bug the day after coming home and I spent a few days cleaning up not so fun messes. I was just happy it was vomit and not diarrhea! He was wiped out for a few days but seems to be mostly recovered by now. I swear I have watched A Bugs Life 100 times this past week! I am ok with it! I think the kid just likes background noise. I really wanted to take him on a trip to the "beach". I was thinking 5 days in Cancun. Just relaxing! We really deserve it after all that we have through! However we are planning on moving the end of March and I had hoped to buy a new table and chairs and a washer and dryer with my tax return. Turns out because I made so much money last year(LOL) that my tax return is pretty lame and might barely cover a first months rent and a deposit. So I guess that means NO beach trip this year. Did I mention I do get at least 9 days off to move? Thats what we have to look forward to. If the Nicu continues to be busy again(slowed down and then picked back up)then maybe I can pick up some extras to pay for my table and washer and dryer. Cross my fingers, even though I really dont want to work extras but if it takes 1 extra day a week for a month to buy what I want then I will suffer through it. Although I wouldnt want to do it anywhere else besides the NICU. That place is awesome!

Good News?

Tonight Jayds Psychiatrist told me that if all goes well on Saturday when he comes home for his LOA then on Sunday she will discharge him. I am excited and really scared all at the same time! After 5 weeks of him being gone it will be a big adjustment for the both of us. We plan to keep doing some of the same things they have been doing up at UNI. I know that life is going to be rough for awhile but we will get through it!

Ups and Downs

Things have been crazy lately. Jayden is doing ok. His moods are all over the place. One day he is doing great with no time outs or trips to seclusion. Were talking like 2-3 "good" days but then, without warning, something sets him off. Things like not getting to play with a certain toy that another child is playing with. Things that might normally cause a child to throw a temper tantrum. The only problem is, is that these are not normal tantrums. He gets really angry and can become violent. I witnessed one while I was visiting the other day and it quickly brought me back to reality (I had been living in some fantasy land where I thought he was doing really well and would be able to come home soon). I really am not sure if I am ready to deal with it again. I mean I don't want him to come home and have to go right back because I cant control him during a tantrum. I miss him so much though! The Doctors are so puzzled by whats going on with him. They have seen some behaviors that have looked like seizures but they did an EEG on Thursday and it was negative. They are still starting him on a seizure med that also is a mood stabilizer. Hoping it will help both issues. If there are still signs of seizure activity they will look into doing a video EEG. They tried to get him into Primary Children's Residential Treatment Center, which I wasn't not happy about, but they denied him. The only other option as far as residential treatment centers is the State Hospital. I was against any of these places at first and it really upset me but then I decided they are the professionals and they know whats best for him so I will just sit back and see what they decide. They now think that the State Hospital is not the best fit for him either. The Dr did tell me that he might be transferred to Wasatch Canyons(Primary Children's inpatient psych unit) soon because of my insurance. Its so hard to still have him gone. I miss him more and more each day. I am still struggling with feeling like a horrible Mom, especially since I cant be up there every single day. I just cannot afford it. I go 2-3 times a week though. I try to call him but he has never been one to talk on the phone. When he will take a call, it only lasts about 30-60 seconds. Which is fine. I just like to hear his voice. Today has been a really hard day for some reason. I have cried off and on all day. I am not totally sure why but some of it has to do with the fact that Jayden had asked to see his Dad awhile back and I haven't seen nor heard from him in like 2 months now. It breaks my heart to know that he is in the "hospital" and his "Dad" doesn't care. I really wish I could find him a new Dad that loves and supports him. This poor boy deserves it!

I MISS this boy like Crazy!!!

Every time I see this look on his face it my heart breaks! He has been gone now for over 3 weeks and even though he seems to like the "hospital" he still wants to come home. I want him home but want him to get a little bit better first! He has been able to come for visits 3 times now. Each trip up and back is 1 1/2 hours minimum so 6 hours of driving this weekend has wore me out. We had fun though, with trips to McDonald's and playing with his new toys from Christmas.