Tooth Fairy

These are the hands of a true artist. Always covered in ink!

Isn't he just one handsome boy?!

Jayd had a tooth coming in behind one of his front teeth. The dentist said that the baby tooth would get loose and fall out but just in case it didnt we set up an appt to get it pulled. Well with Jayd being at UNI for 6 weeks we canceled the appt and I hoped with that extra time it would fall out. It didnt! So a few weeks ago he had both front teeth pulled. I figured that we might as well pull them both just in case he ended uo having the same problem on the other side. It was so CUTE to hear his lisp! The Tooth Fairy even came! It was so exciting!

Jayder

My not so little Jayder is home now. I say not so little because this kid has already outgrown his size 7 pants in the last 4 months. He is going to be taller than me before we know it! Things have been going pretty good. He is pretty much back to himself. He is definetly obeying mom much better. He has had a few meltdowns but is able to calm down pretty quick and if he is having a really bad day he has some prn meds that really help. I have only had to give those to him once. He got some sort of stomach bug the day after coming home and I spent a few days cleaning up not so fun messes. I was just happy it was vomit and not diarrhea! He was wiped out for a few days but seems to be mostly recovered by now. I swear I have watched A Bugs Life 100 times this past week! I am ok with it! I think the kid just likes background noise. I really wanted to take him on a trip to the "beach". I was thinking 5 days in Cancun. Just relaxing! We really deserve it after all that we have through! However we are planning on moving the end of March and I had hoped to buy a new table and chairs and a washer and dryer with my tax return. Turns out because I made so much money last year(LOL) that my tax return is pretty lame and might barely cover a first months rent and a deposit. So I guess that means NO beach trip this year. Did I mention I do get at least 9 days off to move? Thats what we have to look forward to. If the Nicu continues to be busy again(slowed down and then picked back up)then maybe I can pick up some extras to pay for my table and washer and dryer. Cross my fingers, even though I really dont want to work extras but if it takes 1 extra day a week for a month to buy what I want then I will suffer through it. Although I wouldnt want to do it anywhere else besides the NICU. That place is awesome!

Good News?

Tonight Jayds Psychiatrist told me that if all goes well on Saturday when he comes home for his LOA then on Sunday she will discharge him. I am excited and really scared all at the same time! After 5 weeks of him being gone it will be a big adjustment for the both of us. We plan to keep doing some of the same things they have been doing up at UNI. I know that life is going to be rough for awhile but we will get through it!

Ups and Downs

Things have been crazy lately. Jayden is doing ok. His moods are all over the place. One day he is doing great with no time outs or trips to seclusion. Were talking like 2-3 "good" days but then, without warning, something sets him off. Things like not getting to play with a certain toy that another child is playing with. Things that might normally cause a child to throw a temper tantrum. The only problem is, is that these are not normal tantrums. He gets really angry and can become violent. I witnessed one while I was visiting the other day and it quickly brought me back to reality (I had been living in some fantasy land where I thought he was doing really well and would be able to come home soon). I really am not sure if I am ready to deal with it again. I mean I don't want him to come home and have to go right back because I cant control him during a tantrum. I miss him so much though! The Doctors are so puzzled by whats going on with him. They have seen some behaviors that have looked like seizures but they did an EEG on Thursday and it was negative. They are still starting him on a seizure med that also is a mood stabilizer. Hoping it will help both issues. If there are still signs of seizure activity they will look into doing a video EEG. They tried to get him into Primary Children's Residential Treatment Center, which I wasn't not happy about, but they denied him. The only other option as far as residential treatment centers is the State Hospital. I was against any of these places at first and it really upset me but then I decided they are the professionals and they know whats best for him so I will just sit back and see what they decide. They now think that the State Hospital is not the best fit for him either. The Dr did tell me that he might be transferred to Wasatch Canyons(Primary Children's inpatient psych unit) soon because of my insurance. Its so hard to still have him gone. I miss him more and more each day. I am still struggling with feeling like a horrible Mom, especially since I cant be up there every single day. I just cannot afford it. I go 2-3 times a week though. I try to call him but he has never been one to talk on the phone. When he will take a call, it only lasts about 30-60 seconds. Which is fine. I just like to hear his voice. Today has been a really hard day for some reason. I have cried off and on all day. I am not totally sure why but some of it has to do with the fact that Jayden had asked to see his Dad awhile back and I haven't seen nor heard from him in like 2 months now. It breaks my heart to know that he is in the "hospital" and his "Dad" doesn't care. I really wish I could find him a new Dad that loves and supports him. This poor boy deserves it!

I MISS this boy like Crazy!!!

Every time I see this look on his face it my heart breaks! He has been gone now for over 3 weeks and even though he seems to like the "hospital" he still wants to come home. I want him home but want him to get a little bit better first! He has been able to come for visits 3 times now. Each trip up and back is 1 1/2 hours minimum so 6 hours of driving this weekend has wore me out. We had fun though, with trips to McDonald's and playing with his new toys from Christmas.

Jayden

On December 10th Jayden was admitted to a neuropsychiatric unit in SLC. It has been a rough 1 1/2 weeks. I always thought that it would be great to have a break from him. I am not one to really like to much peace and quiet and thats all I seem to have lately. Its quite depressing. I can go visit him and I try to go up every other day. I would love to go every day but its just too expensive. I miss him so much! Our visits are often short because he is very irritable right now. He doesnt like people asking him questions and he has had some behavior issues. They had originally taken him off of all of his meds but have had to add 3 new ones because he was so hyper. I mean like literally couldnt sit still for more than 2 seconds. He has a flat affect and they are wondering if he has some depression going on. Its weird to think a 6 year old could be depressed but I just want him to get some help to be happy again. He seems to like it up there but I think he still wants to come home. It may actually be months before he truelly gets to. Unless these meds magically work by the time the holidays are over he may require more treatment. This throws off everything but at this point the only thing that matters to me is that he is happy. I worried about how he was sleeping up there because at home he always slept in my bed, which will now be a thing of the past.It sounds liek he has been sleeping good. His roommate told us that Jayden was the best roommate ever. The Art therapist said Jayden has amazing artistic talent. She said whatever pictures he didnt want she would take. He really is great, he has an eye for detail, and can draw things from memory. I have been lost lately. This week is guaranteed to be rough as well. Jayds 7th Birthday is on Wednesday. He is not really to excited and we planned on going to Chuck E Cheese but instead we will take him a Happy Meal and some cupcakes and spend it at the "Hospital". We cant even take all his presents because he cant keep them there and we cant show him them and then take them away. He should be able to come home for a few hours on Christmas Day. That should be nice. I know he really wants to see Kaylee. I hope that we can get him situated and not ever have to take him back but as I have been going up there I have noticed that it seems kids visit there repeatedly. I really cant do this to much. Its all just mentally exhausting. I have been on the verge of tears all the time. Not cool but I guess it just comes with the territory.

Rough week!

I have pretty much come to the conclusion that there is no help out there for Jayden. I talked to one of(well his only real friend)friends mom today and she told me that she had been through the same thing with her just a few months ago. She felt exactly the same way I did and it was hard to get her daughter the help that she needed. This friend of his also has Aspergers and ADHD and basically the same history. They are also in the same class this year. They finally got her on some meds that have really helped and the mom took some Love and Logic classes and I am definetly going to look into that. Its sad but feels so nice at the same time to know that I am not alone and that other moms have been through the same thing and have felt exactly the sameway that I do now. She sais it gets worse before it gets better and it has gotten worse so when do we get the "better" part? I feel like if I want anything done than I have to do it myself. Which is pretty much how life has always been so why should it be any different now? I am disappointed with everyone right now! The system is ridiculous. His Dr(psych) doesnt want to take him off of all of his meds, but will decrease the doses and get rid of his ADHD med. The next few weeks may be a nightmare, but we will just has to get through it. I was hoping to be able to work less now but it looks like Ive got at least 10 more weeks of picking up extras before my financial situation eases up a bit. I just want to work a little less and have my little buddy back. On the bright side, I am officially done with orienting and worked mmy 1st shift alone on saturday. I started an IV and gave blood. My IV did go bad after 10 min and I wasnt able to get the others in but hey, baby steps, right? Its a great job and I love that most of the people are super nice and are right there to help you out no matter what goes wrong.