Jayden

On December 10th Jayden was admitted to a neuropsychiatric unit in SLC. It has been a rough 1 1/2 weeks. I always thought that it would be great to have a break from him. I am not one to really like to much peace and quiet and thats all I seem to have lately. Its quite depressing. I can go visit him and I try to go up every other day. I would love to go every day but its just too expensive. I miss him so much! Our visits are often short because he is very irritable right now. He doesnt like people asking him questions and he has had some behavior issues. They had originally taken him off of all of his meds but have had to add 3 new ones because he was so hyper. I mean like literally couldnt sit still for more than 2 seconds. He has a flat affect and they are wondering if he has some depression going on. Its weird to think a 6 year old could be depressed but I just want him to get some help to be happy again. He seems to like it up there but I think he still wants to come home. It may actually be months before he truelly gets to. Unless these meds magically work by the time the holidays are over he may require more treatment. This throws off everything but at this point the only thing that matters to me is that he is happy. I worried about how he was sleeping up there because at home he always slept in my bed, which will now be a thing of the past.It sounds liek he has been sleeping good. His roommate told us that Jayden was the best roommate ever. The Art therapist said Jayden has amazing artistic talent. She said whatever pictures he didnt want she would take. He really is great, he has an eye for detail, and can draw things from memory. I have been lost lately. This week is guaranteed to be rough as well. Jayds 7th Birthday is on Wednesday. He is not really to excited and we planned on going to Chuck E Cheese but instead we will take him a Happy Meal and some cupcakes and spend it at the "Hospital". We cant even take all his presents because he cant keep them there and we cant show him them and then take them away. He should be able to come home for a few hours on Christmas Day. That should be nice. I know he really wants to see Kaylee. I hope that we can get him situated and not ever have to take him back but as I have been going up there I have noticed that it seems kids visit there repeatedly. I really cant do this to much. Its all just mentally exhausting. I have been on the verge of tears all the time. Not cool but I guess it just comes with the territory.

Rough week!

I have pretty much come to the conclusion that there is no help out there for Jayden. I talked to one of(well his only real friend)friends mom today and she told me that she had been through the same thing with her just a few months ago. She felt exactly the same way I did and it was hard to get her daughter the help that she needed. This friend of his also has Aspergers and ADHD and basically the same history. They are also in the same class this year. They finally got her on some meds that have really helped and the mom took some Love and Logic classes and I am definetly going to look into that. Its sad but feels so nice at the same time to know that I am not alone and that other moms have been through the same thing and have felt exactly the sameway that I do now. She sais it gets worse before it gets better and it has gotten worse so when do we get the "better" part? I feel like if I want anything done than I have to do it myself. Which is pretty much how life has always been so why should it be any different now? I am disappointed with everyone right now! The system is ridiculous. His Dr(psych) doesnt want to take him off of all of his meds, but will decrease the doses and get rid of his ADHD med. The next few weeks may be a nightmare, but we will just has to get through it. I was hoping to be able to work less now but it looks like Ive got at least 10 more weeks of picking up extras before my financial situation eases up a bit. I just want to work a little less and have my little buddy back. On the bright side, I am officially done with orienting and worked mmy 1st shift alone on saturday. I started an IV and gave blood. My IV did go bad after 10 min and I wasnt able to get the others in but hey, baby steps, right? Its a great job and I love that most of the people are super nice and are right there to help you out no matter what goes wrong.

Ornaments

Jayd has been really into crystals lately so last night we got some borax and boiled some water and made crystal ornaments. They were super easy and look pretty cool on Jayds lil tree. All you have to do is make shapes out of pipe cleaners, boil some water, add about 3-5 tsp Borax per cup and mix. Tie the pipe cleaners with a string to a pencil and then let the ornament hang freely in the water( We put the water in jars but you could use anything). Less than 24 hours later they will be covered in crystals and you remove them and let the dry and then hang them on the tree.

UUUGGGGHHH!

Today has been a rough day! I cant handle these behavior issues much longer. I have been looking on the internet for some behavioral treatment centers for children and its ridiculus! Mostly there are sites for centers that deal with drug addicts and alcoholics, girls and teenagers. What I cant seem to figure out is why I am the one having to try and figure all this out. Shouldnt there be people out there that do this for a living? I mean I know that I am the parent and the advocate but REALLY? I dont know where to go or who to turn to. I have a number to call tomorow for a guy who may be somewhat knowledgable but then what? I have to call all of these places? I am so mad right now! I feel like just giving up but we cant keep living like this. I want some help! The social worker at primarys said,"Well it seems that you have a good support system." The more I think about it the more mad it makes me. I mean my family helps when I go to work and occasionally when I want to go hang out with friends for a few hours but other than that I am on my own. My friends and family listen but I cant get away every time I am at my wits end. I have to suffer through his behaviors and just want to walk away at times. I mean this child is so paranoid and afraid that 90% of the time he is sitting about 3 feet away from me at all times. I know that some of this is part of being a Mom. I have dealt with it for years. Sometimes when he is naughty I just want to get away for 5 min to cool off and I cant get this. It gets to the point where I call up my Mom or friend crying my eyes out because I cant take it anymore. It shouldnt have to be this way and I better have some answers tomorow. Things have got to get better!

So frustrated!

I thought I would post something about what has been going on at our house. Basically Jayden is having some psych issues and extremely bad behavior. It started about 2 months ago and at that time his psychiatrist told me that it was probably from his seizures. So we started him on a seizure med which I was trying to avoid. Well since then his behavior has gotten worse and worse. When he has an "episode" as I call it, he kicks, hits, screams as if he is being stabbed with a knife or something, bites, spits, swears, tells me he hates me and he is going to kill me. We never know what is going to set him off anymore. It could be not getting what he wants, a song or show he doesnt like, a noise, pretty much anything at this point. His Dr made some changes to his meds said to wrap him up in a blanket and rock him when he gets this bad. Let me tell you that is WAY more difficult than you think it would be. I have gotten noise violations because he has been screaming outside when we have left our apartment(to go to work) or are coming home from somewhere after 9pm. Last week someone complained that he had been outside screaming really late at night and that there wasnt any parents out there with him. He has been in bed by 8:30every night that we have been home. 4-5 nights a week I work from 1800-0600. The night they were referring to I was heading to work at 2300 and he was screaming because he wanted to sleep at home. The other night I had a neighbor come down the stairs when we got home because Jayden was screaming. It was at 2111. I know because I looked at the clock when I turned off the car. The guy just sat there staring and I looked up at him and said, " Do you need something?" in a very rude voice and he said, " Yeah, my baby ir trying to sleep." From there I almost lost it as I told him my child was having a psychotic episode and he still sat there and stared. I still want to go punch him in the face. People are ignorant and I am tired of it! Jayden rang one of the neighbors doors on Sat morning at 0830. I dont know why, I was gathering up our grocerys and had about 10 bags and a gallon of milk and my big work bag when I heard this guy screaming I am gonna kick you a$$ kid over and over. This guy has some mental issues but I dont care you do not come out yelling at a child that way, EVER! Jayden was obviously scared and ran inside. I stood at the bottom of the stairs and told him if he ever talked to my kid that way again I would kick his trash(not in those exact words mind you). Was it the right thing to say? NO but I will stick up for my child at all times. We did have a long discussion about not ringing peoples doorbells anymore though. I feel like at some point it really is going to come down to me fighting it out with my neighbors. I have become more agitated, ornery, and depressed lately. I am constantly on the verge of tears or wanting to punch someone in the face. This is not me. I feel that I have failed as a mother because I cant help my son. I am trying but no one seems to be listening. I feel like a lot of his issues are my fault. I just think if I only could work less, maybe if I would have been home more, I should have been a better mom, I should have not let him get away with so much. People tell me its not my fault but it doesnt matter what they say. It doesnt make me feel any better.
We spent a couple hours at a Crisis Clinic yesterday and she told us that she recomended hospitalization and told us to head to the ER and they would get the process started. So we did and 5 hours later we went home with no help. I called her back today and she said they never should have let us leave. They should have found him a bed. Well I know enough to know that there are not ever enough beds in the childrens psych units. So she told us to head up to Primarys and they would find us a place to get him admitted to. Well 4 hours later and all we got was a telephone number for a guy that can tell me about residential and day treatment centers. I cant call him until monday and I was feeling ok about this when we left until we got home and started freaking out again.I just dont know what to do. Of course I dont want my child admitted anywhere but he obviously needs more help than what he is getting from me or meds or his psychiatrist. I am literally just sick. I dont know how much more of this I can take. Its sounds wrong but my child is literally abusing me. He is not "Jayden" its like he is possessed or something. I rarely see his cute personality anymore. I cant take him anywhere and if he keeps it up were going to lose our apartment. Not to mention I have to be scared that my stupid neighbors are going to call the police because of his screaming( thinking he is being abused). I just dont know where to go to next. No one is listening or doing anything and I really just feel like giving up. Maybe Ive lost him for good. Maybe he cant return to his "normal" self.

Disneyland Day #1

Jayds first ER visit

Yesterday Jayden had a seizure and got to visit the Emergency Room for the 1st time. It was SUPER scary! This was not his 1st one but this one was 3x longer . I was dropping him off at my Grandmas and he went and sat on the floor. My Grandma was trying to get his attention and he wasnt saying anything or looking towards her. I went and sat down next to him to see what he was looking at. His eyes were darting back and forth and he wouldnt respond to me. I layed him down and was assessing him. My grandma asked him to squeeze her hand, he must have been coming to because he lightly sqoze her hand. After a little bit he was able to shake his head yes and after a little bit longer I asked him if he was ok and he said, "yes". I was very nervous and took him straight to the car and headed to the ER. They put in an IV to draw some blood for labs and had him give a urine sample. They did a CT scan. He was so cooperative and BRAVE! Having a CT scan can be scary, especially when your only 6 years old! Everything came back normal and so we were sent home and told to follow up with his pediatrician. When we visited Dr Weipert today he also agreed that it sounded like a "petite mal" seizure. These can also be known as "Absence Attacks". According to headinjury.com these are characterized by abrupt and brief interruption of consciousness without convulsion.During the typical, seconds-long episode there is "loss of contact" or "spacing out". During the episode, interaction is not possible. These episodes can be very brief, subtle and easily missed by a nearby observer. Normally, whatever activity a child was engaged in before the seizure is continued following it. Sometimes children with these seizure types are misdiagnosed with learning or behavioral problems. Dr Weipert said they would most likely continue and each time get worse and worse. He said thay are easily treated and is going to have us visit a Neurologist. I am nervous about all of this and it truely breaks my heart. He already has to deal with so much and to add seizures to the list of problems just makes me sick. I am so grateful he has awesome insurance and is double covered because I am sure we still have many Doctors visits to come. I am also so thankful for the priesthood and for Jarom giving Jayden a blessing last night. Well I will post more after we have seen the Neurologist.

Nothin like a Haircut!

This is Jaydens new hairdo. It took awhile to convince him that this is the COOL way to have you hair. I love that I dont have to do it now either!

Jellyman finishes Kindergarten

My Little Jellyman finished Kindergarten. He is getting smarter and smarter everyday! He is still behind for his age. But I can tell you I am impressed by how far he has come this past year! I am so, so, SSSSOOOOOO thankful to his wonderful teachers and for the fact that they have classes for Autistic children! He gets to be with kids who are like him. As much as I want him to be mainstreamed I DO NOT ever want him to be the ODD one in his class. I want him to be accepted and loved, but what parent doesnt want that for their child? I LOVE him more than anything!

The Living Planet Aqaurium

A few weeks ago we The Living Planet Aquarium with my brother and his family. Jayden LOVE, love, LoVeS that place! Especially the Jellyfish! Have I mentioned he is OBSESSED with Jellies? Thats all he talkes about. I'm not kidding, ask my family! He spends all his time drawing them and creating them out of different items, from toilet paper to yarn! I recently bought him Under The Sea, which he watches over and over while I sleep. He doesnt appreciate the Sea Turtle having the Jelly for a snack either. This next pay day I am considering buying him a DVD all about Jellies. I know he would LOVE it and watch it over and over again! This kid loves Nature and animal shows. You know those slightly boring ones they show on TV? Its kind of funny! We had a great time at the aquarium but I wouldnt recommend going on a Saturday!

Pearl

After shopping for 3 days and not finding anything to buy for myself I decided to open an oyster and put my pearl on some sort of pendant. This was a little kiosk at our hotel. We walked by numerous times a day and every time they tried to lure us in. The girls had told me how expensive the pendants were and that they start showing you the most expensive first. Well I can tell you that I was not about to pay $200 for something that would show off my $15 pearl. My pearl is quite Large and a pretty peach color. It looked pink when it was first pulled out but I would say it is peach colored now. The lighting is obviously different though. Well I ended uo buying a $40 pendant that is very plain. I like it. I bought a chain to put it on and planned on taking a picture but well I am to lazy to get up and get my camera now. It was a cool experience and I may do it again some day when I have more money. You can order kits for a decent price on Amazon.com. I was so excited to go to the Juicy Couture shop and was hoping to buy a charm for my necklace or a cute keychain. I wasnt to overly impressed with what they had in the store but will be buying some cute Juicy stuff from Neiman Marcus when I have more $$$.

Vegas

I went to Vegas almost 2 weeks ago with my friend Liz & her sister, Stephanie. It was a fun trip but I missed Jayden the whole time. I feel very grateful to have been able to go there and to still be able to go to Disneyland in October. I had to work lots of extra shifts to pay for it and now that I have gotten back and have had my computer cord stop working(If I tape in just the right position it will charge) and got my phone a tiny bit wet this morning and now I regret wasting my money. Oh well what do you do? Work more shifts I guess! Planet Hollywood and The Rainforest Cafe both have a great Cheeseburger! As for Treasure Island it wasnt the best hotel I had ever stayed at but the show they have there is pretty fun. The Sirens. Hot guys were great. It made me wish I was a skinny dancer so I could be up on the ship in a skimpy outfit...LOL!

Vegas Baby!

Well theres not anything truely exciting going on in our lives except the addition of our new bird. I am going to Las Vegas in 9 days with my BFF! I am so excited and cant wait to get away! This is my first vacation where I will be away from Jayden for more than 1 night. 3 nights and 4 days of relaxation. We are staying at Treasure Island and plan on going to a show while were there. Its going to be a blast! As for our new bird, well hes kind of been a stinker. He doesnt want us to touch him and get s nervous when we go buy his cage. I think he is trusting us more but its hard to tell. Jayden let him out today and he flew on to the floor and I put my finger down and stepped up. But then he flew off and its a good thing that my wax hadnt fully melted in my scentsy or he would have been covered. But once again he stepped right up onto my finger. I guess we are making progress. Jayden is already becoming more brave. He actually let me take a shower in peace yesterday and he is willing to stay in the living room and not follow me everywhere I go. If you dont already know Jayden is VERY paranoid/scared. He wont sleep in his own room and he usually wont even walk 5 feet away from me. This has gotten very frustrating as I need my own space. I got Sam because I wanted Jayden to have a pet/friend that wouldnt make fun of him or call him names and would make him feel safe. I hope to move in the next few months to a bigger place. The one of the new rules of our new apartment will be for Jayden to sleep in his own room. I have been buying cute things for his room. We are going to do an Americana themed room. Jayden LOVES flags. I also plan on having those metal antiques looking cars, trucks and airplanes in there. I think it will be cute. We also plan on letting Sam stay in his room to keep him "safe" at night. Jayden is so excited about it and I hope that with all these things combined we can help Jayden become more independent.

This is the Quilt I plan on making(I need a project) or buying for his bed. The fabric may vary but I plan on staying with these colors. I hope it doesnt look to feminine. I really like it though.

Well I guess thats all for now as I am going shoe shopping tomorow with my mom and need to get to bed! Got to have cute/comfy shoes for Vegas!

Introducing...........SAM!

We finally got our bird today. Jayden is so excited! He has been sitting next to Sam's cage for an hour showing him the pictures he drew of Jellyfish(his current obsession). The bird is very nervous and scared right now so we letting him get used to his cage and us before I take him out to hold. Because he is still a baby he looks a little ragged but as he grows his feathers will come in nice and thick and he should thin out a bit. We got a large cage because at some point we would like to get him a friend. We call it a "him" but the only way to know if it is a male or female is to have DNA testing done. In a few months we will take him to an avian specialist and have all that figured out. But for now we shall call it a "him"!

Aleena's Bridal Shower

This last Saturday we had Aleenas bridal shower. I had been SO stressed over it. I worried that no one would come, we would run out of food, and that it would be boring. Thank goodness I had everyones help. I am so appreciative of Amanda for being so willing so help me out. I didnt want to overwhelm her. I know how hard it is to have little ones and I just kept thinking I could do everything on my own. She did a good job with her game to. She asked Jarom some questions and recorded it. Questions like, "How many pairs of jeans does Aleena own" and "When was your first date and what did you do". I would first ask her the question and then we would play Jaroms answers and if she got it wrong she had to eat a piece of bubbalicious. She only ended up with 3 1/2 pieces, but that is still a lot of gum! For my game I had everyone split up into 5 groups and gave them a 4-roll pack of toilet paper and 1 roll of paper towels. They had 15 minutes to pick a model and make her wedding dress. Everyone worked together so well and the dresses turned out AWESOME! I was so impressed by how creative everyone was. Aleena then got to pick the winners(who had the best dress). Everyone ended up being a winner though! Tiffany was a big help to. She filled a container with candy and everyone had to guess how many pieces were in it. We ended up with 2 containers because the night before me and my mom decided to do a 2nd filled with M&Ms. We ended up eating chicken salad on crescents and lil smokies wrapped in bacon(thanks to my mom), a vegetable tray(thanks to Amanda), Crab dip and crackers(thanks to Tiff), pretzel salad and peanut butter fingers(thanks to Sheila), and Chocolate covered strawberries and eclairs(Thanks to me...LOL) I think that was it, but I am not sure! Everything was delicious and Thank You to everyone for coming and showing your support to Aleena.

Rough day!

Today Jayden got his cavities fixed. We had to be there at 7 this morning which is WAY to early. The good thing is, is that he was the 1st case so we got in and got out really quick. We were out of there by 9:00 am. The Dentist said things went well and they didnt have any problems. Some of his teeth were starting to become infected so its a good thing we got it taken care if now! He now has 4 new silver crowns. When they brought him out of the room he had a bloody nose, which kept on bleeding on and off for half of the day. On the way home he kept saying, "get this medicine out of me so my teeth will stop hurting". He complained of them hurting on and off all day to. The poor kid! He has rashes where they placed the stickers that monitored his heart beat. I hoped to get some cute pictures to make up a scrapbook page but as soon as he came into recovery I held him in the recliner. They let him keep his clothes on and they just covered him up with a drape. I stayed home from work to keep an eye on him as he hasnt felt well and if something were to happen I could never forgive myself. I know I am paranoid but thats what happens when you hear the horror stories at the hospital and you know all of the possible complications from things. Hopefully this is the first and last time that we have to deal with this from now on we will be brushing and flossing morning and night!

Oh boy, what am I doing?!

I just thought I would share something funny with you all. As most of you know I work graveyards 6pm to 6 am, 3 night a week. Well this has messed up my sleeping pattern quite a bit and I used to stay up until 2 or 3am even on the night I didnt work. Even if I got home from working and only slept for 3 hours, that night I would still think I needed to stay up all night and couldnt wind down. Well this caused me to be tired all day long and I would sleep all day once I got Jayden off to school. I finally went to the Doctor and got a prescription for some ambien(sleeping pill). So I take it about 3 nights a week, when I know that I am going have a had time getting to sleep. So the problem is is that I still try to fight it. So lately I have been randomly thinking I need to "put my mascara on to see how long my eyelashes are" and to practice putting on my fake eyelashes. This has happened 3 times since I started taking Ambien. The first night I wasnt sure if I had really dont that when I woke up the next morning. I would vageuly remember putting on too much mascara and making them look like crap. It would usually only be one eye. The thing with taking ambien is it makes you, not so coordinated and lets face it its hard enough to put on mascara when your 100% with it. One night last week I tried to put fake eyelashes on, half asleep, and ended up glueing my eye shut. So from now on I am going straight to bed. No more playing makeup artist! I seriously wish I would have taken pictures. But I wasnt even fully aware of what I was doing or had done until the next day when I noticed the leftover mascara on my eye.

Oops!

Today I took Jayden to the Dentist for the 2nd time ever. This was the first time he got x-rays. They couldnt get side x-rays because he gagged on the little mouthpiece every time they tried. He did really well! When the tech would go to clean his teeth with the tooth tickler he would clench his fists and scrunch his face up and growl. I guess he expected it to hurt. Turns out he has 6 cavities, poor kid! This would mostly be my fault as I havent been the best at making him brush morning and night. He thinks that you only have to brush when the sun comes up. So we get to go next week to the surgical center and have them taken care of. They will put him under general anesthesia. This really makes me nervous. We will have Grandpa give him a blessing the night before and pray for the best. From now on we will be brushing and flossing morning and night!

We have also put a deposit down on a Cockatiel. We will get him later this month. We are so EXCITED! I have been wanting to get a pet for awhile and since we cant have cats or dogs we have chose a bird. Jayden is so excited to get him. He has already named him sam, which was the name of the cockatiel we had growing up. I ordered his cage today and we bought him some toys and treats. This bird is being hand fed which means he will be better with people. The lady we are buying him from has kids so that way maybe he will be less likely to get to annoyed by Jayden. We will post some pics as soon as we get him.

Exciting News!

So its official, I am now a Registered Nurse! I didnt think I passed my test but low and behold, I DID! I can now move on to, well I should say bigger and better things but its more like, more MONEY! Yes I truelly like helping people(well most people) but its all about the money. I need more money for a new apartment, to go on trips, and to make myself look better! Hopefully I can find a job that I enjoy as much as I enjoy TCC right now. Its laid back and you can get a lot done if you are studying or working on crafts. Heck if they would get us Wii Fit we would be exercising at night to. Who knows where I will end up but I will feel sad to leave my friends and co- workers on TCC. They are all great in their own ways and I enjoy working with each one of them. So now on to the job hunt, I am not in a huge hurry though!

So there isnt much going on in our lives right now. I just finished reading all the Twilight books. It only took 15 days. I am now a Twilight freak!!! I am totally obsessed! Robert Pattinson is soooo not my type but now that I have read the books I LOVE him! Taylor Lautner is way to young but so Gorgeous and Kellan Lutz(plays Emmett) is so freaking HOT! Especially in the Calvin Klein underwear add, LOL! I know I am a freak. I have been watching the first movie about every other night and anxiously waiting for Friday when I get to go see New Moon again at the sticky shoe. Saturday I am going to Valentines Day with my friends! Taylor Lautner is also in that movie! So anyway I thought I would share my new somewhat freakish obsession with you all! Hope everyone is doing good!

Frineds giveaway

My friend Emily is giving away a cute little lantern or a darling little blue picture frame! I am always up for trying to win something, even though I never do but thats ok! Here is her blog, if you want to check it out. You totally should, you wont be disappointed! http://littleforeverfamily.blogspot.com/

Christmas

On Christmas Eve we had our traditional party at my parents. We ate smoked ham and ribs, funeral potatoes, rolls, green beans with cashews and Amandas yummy salad! We played BINGO, which is so much fun but always goes by way to fast! Tiff & Colt and the boys came down on Christmas Eve and stayed the night. Thank goodness Santa found them. Kaylee enjoyed torturing the boys. She just wanted to talk and play with them but they didnt want anything to do with her! They would run and she would be right behind them. It was pretty funny. We had a great Christmas and hope that all our friends and family did too!
Playing BINGO

New PJ's

All the grandkids in their new Christmas Eve PJ's, so cute!


Yay, we got a Wii!


Playing the Wii

Grandmas house was crazy and it got really messy, but the kids had a blast!

Jaydens Party!

Jayden wanted to have his 6th Birthday Party at the bowling alley! He hadnt even been bowling before he decided that. But thats what we did and it was pretty fun!